Parallel Universe - 1

The news that never happened, and no self respecting individual would care about even if it did happen

Hilton Bitch in sleaze tape

A sex tape featuring Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua –‘Tinkerbell’ was leaked on the internet today. The Chihuahua was seen getting cosy with Arnold Schwarzenegger’s German shepherd – ‘Heindrich’ in the said tape. On being contacted by the press, Hilton, the reclusive and media shy heiress expressed disgust. “Why don’t y’all..like..just leave us alone.” Said Paris. The Guvernator was unavailable to comment on the matter. Heindrich is rumored to have previously dated Pamela Anderson’s Yorkshire terrier, Dr.Dre’s b***h and Pauly D from Jersey Shore.

Whistle Podu

Mahendra Singh Dhoni is set to star in a Tamil remake of popular Sitcom ‘How I met your mother’. MSD’s character – ‘Periyasamy Ramalingam’ is based on the character ‘Ted Mosby’ from the original show. The rest of the star cast is rumored to include Surya, Vadivelu and Shreya Saran. Hemang Badani and Albie Morkel are set to make cameo appearances as each other in the pilot of the series. Fans would know that both Surya and Vadivelu have starred in over 100 movies, while Dhoni has starred in over 100 TV commercials. Commenting on his new role, the Indian captain said – ‘Basically I need to go back to the drawing board. I have never done comedy earlier. As you know, I am the flamboyant one and not the funny one. However, I have sought the help of the entire Pakistani cricket team to help me be funny’. The uncredited voice over for ‘Future Periyasamy’ will be provided by Kris Srikanth. MSD’s team mate Yuvraj Singh expressed confidence in his captain’s capability to ‘Change the game’ with this new venture. “Oh Jee, I am really happy for him” said Yuvraj. Yuvraj himself is believed to have been approached to star in a Punjabi remake of ‘Baywatch’. Navjot Singh Siddhu and Virat Kohli are expected to star alongside him along with the entire cheerleading squad from Pune Warriors.

Baba Benched

Pandemonium ensued as Baba Ramdev announced his candidature for the office of FIFA president. “I am willing to dedicate myself fulltime to the responsibilities of the office”. Before his supporters could stop cheering, and before Sepp Blatter could finish Googling him, Babaji clarified that by “fulltime” he meant 3 days a week. He mentioned that he intends to spend the rest of the week in the Mallorca chapter of his Ashram. The confusion lead to intense media speculation and activity. Ultimately the CRPF had to be deployed to get things under control. FIFA president Sepp Blatter rubbished the entire episode. He maintained that he has bigger priorities at hand, such as – getting re-elected to office and..ummm…doing something about racism in football..