Who REALLY is Vinay Kumar?

Exactly. For those who don’t follow cricket closely enough, Vinay Kumar is a fast bowler presently very much in favour with the captain. He is also one of the heroes of today’s (or yesterday’s ...depending on when I post this) spanking of England at the Kotla.

But is that it? Is that all we need to know? Do we really know enough about this guy to let him handle one of the two new balls for our NATION, no less? Well, here is the truth, guys; here is what you NEED to know.

Vinay Kumar isn’t even his real name. According to his passport, his name is Vincenzo Frederique’ Corradi. You might be tempted to think that he is Italian, but he is not. He is from San Marino, and he continues to hold his San Maronian or San Maronesean or whatever citizenship. San Marino, as you know, is hardly a country. Actually it’s a city state sort of a thing. No prize for guessing what the capital of San Marino is – Its ‘San Marino’. Since its hardly a country, Vinay Kumar or ‘Vincenzo Corradi’ is hardly a citizen of anywhere. Since he is not a citizen of anywhere, technically, he does not exist. Why then is he playing for India? Wake up people.

Scandalized already? There’s more. On his CV, Vincenzo Corradi or Vinay Kumar, claims that he graduated from the MRF pace academy of Chennai. We contacted the academy’s head coach Dennis Lille to verify this claim. Here is what Dennis Lille had to say – “I dun ‘member him, mayte” (Irrefutable evidence no.1). Vincenzo Corradi or Vinay Kumar has lied to the entire nation. There is a high probability that he never was at the MRF pace academy. And we are letting him play for India? Wake up people.

Sacrilege. Vincenzo Corradi or Vinay Kumar has a Somalian girlfriend. He has hidden this fact from the NATION. Sacrilege even more. His girlfriend’s father’s name is Ali Al Talib. Talib is singular for Taliban. Bloody hell, he has got something to do with the Taliban. And his daughter is dating our new ball bowler. Is this what we really want? Wake up people.

In 2002, Vincenzo Corradi answered the call of nature in public view on a street in Bangalore. He was held by the local police for 22 minutes for doing this. Of course, our media never reported this. And this guy is bowling lock-in-step with Zaheer Khan? Wake up people.

Recently a former secret service agent from San Mario published his tell all autobiography. The book mentions that Vincenzo Corradi received money from San Marino’s intelligence agency for passing on crucial information on India’s page 3 scene to the San Maronese or San Maronian or whatever government. This information, of course, was never reported by our media. Wake up people.

Do you really want this guy to spearhead our pace attack? You don’t, right? Please throw the first stone. Yes..We are addressing the real issues. As true patriots, we must share this information on facebook. Can an Indian ever spearhead the pace attack for the San Marino cricket team? No, right? Then why is a San Maronian or a San Maronese or whatever spearheading the pace attack for India?

The country has gone to the pits. I am so concerned,that I blogged about it.

P.S. – This is just for fun. Please keep your political comments and philosophy to forums that they well and truly deserve. Much respect.

Parallel Universe – IV

This time its Roman

MSD reveals master plan to take ODI series against England

Speaking to the press earlier today, Indian cricket team captain and renowned model – Mahendra Singh Dhoni revealed his master plan to beat England in the ongoing ODI series between the two teams. “Basically, we went back to the drawing board” MSD said. “We are counting on using the recently introduced rule changes to our advantage”. The Ranchi Ransacker went on to explain – “We want to finish the series before England understand the new rules”.

Dhoni elaborated on how the Indian team has been using information technology to decipher the new set of rules before the competition does. “Clichéd as it sounds; our boys are really good with computers. Sree, for example, has been using comps to remix Malayalam pop since he was 5.” “We will make them grovel” said MSD with his trademark grin ^TM, as a nostalgic Tony Greig looked on. “Obviously we are not early adopters” remarked Tony Greig with a hint of regret in his tone.

Former England captain Nasser Hussain, was unfazed though, and claimed that the English team will beat India to it, and will work as hard as donkeys if that is what it took to get a hang of the new regulations.

Team Anna sued for copyright infringement. Congress (I) claims moral victory.

In a turn of events which cannot be called totally unexpected, Team Anna was served legal notices by tennis star Anna Kournikova’s agents and two of her fan clubs. “We are not A-OK with these people calling themselves ‘Team Anna’. We are Team Anna, and we have been Team Anna since 1997.” Ms. Kournikova’s (Or Mrs. Iglesias’; who really knows, who really cares) agent said. Rebutting the statement, a representative of Mr.Hazare mentioned that his team never really called themselves ‘Team Anna’, while cursing Times of India for getting them into this mess in the first place.

The fans of Ms. Kournikova were irate. A spokesperson for the fan club mentioned that key search words such as “Anna Hot” and “Anna Bikini” have been yielding extremely disappointing results on Google lately. “Our sentiments have been hurt” the spokesperson said.

The Congress (I), in the meantime, claimed a moral victory in light of these events. “We have been vindicated” A congress stalwart tweeted. In a press briefing, the CWC representatives remarked that copyright infringement and identity theft are greater global issues, and judging by India’s poor track record at both, Team Anna has brought further shame upon the nation. “We have a very responsible approach to these issues”. A congress (I) spokesperson said. “We are very particular about using the bracketed I in our party’s name, in order to avoid confusion”.

Iranian President in diplomatic faux pas

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmedinejad found himself becoming the butt of jokes across the civilsed world yet again, after committing another faux pas without even knowing what ‘faux pas’ means. During an official visit to Dubai, Mr.Ahmedinejad was asked how he felt about Jews. The president replied by saying – “I love juice. I like apple juice and orange juice, but mixed fruit juice is my favorite”. The statement caused a huge uproar across the Arab world, and Iran, which for some strange reason claims not to be part of the Arab world. The Israeli government, however, was not excited by the statement. The Israeli foreign minister said – “Well, we don’t love him back”. Obviously this one isn’t going anywhere.